Many long-term couples experience a gradual decline in effective communication. “Talking” and “communication” are very different. You can talk to a stranger. However, when you communicate, you do more than simply talk – you share intimate details about your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears.
When you have been with your partner for years or decades, it can be easy to take him or her for granted. While living together, raising children together, running a business together, and just generally sharing every day, many couples find themselves caught up in daily chores and to-do lists and forget to engage in meaningful conversation with each other. And, when life gets stressful, couples can often take anger and frustration out on each other.
When communication stops, it can feel impossible to connect and resolve issues. Even seemingly small things can result in major arguments that escalate into personal attacks. Some couples fight for days, have a period of resolution, and then begin fighting again. This pattern of intense argument and brief peace is an indication that communication has broken down.
You might feel as though you are not being heard, or that your partner is not putting any work in your relationship. Maybe you have trouble expressing what you really feel. Quite possibly, your partner is experiencing similar doubts and resentments, but he or she doesn’t know how to effectively and healthily share those feelings. But, with help, you and your partner can learn to communicate again.